Friday, May 13, 2005

ack from the past

i work in downtown portland and am always seeing people i recognize. i'm horrible with names, so i usually divert my eyes or turn the corner instead of engaging in that awkward moment of - uh, hi, i know you but don't remember you name....

today, while out walking, i saw 3 people i used to work with 8 years ago. i began my current career in the mailroom of a local engineering firm. yep, college educated and working in the mailroom. i see how much it humbled me now, but at the time, i thought i was too big for my own good. i had a manager who wouldn't give us the time of day, nor allow us to grow in our career. in her view, we worked in the mailroom and that's it. when we saw room for improvement, it was usually shot down then later implemented by her or her minions in a slightly different way. we didn't get along and it was challenging. i distincly remember getting sat down and "talked to" regarding my attitude and position. i couldn't risk losing my job at the time, so i caved and listened and stroked her ego and agreed to be a better employee. one month later, i moved into IT and the rest is history.
why am i telling you this? because i ran into her here in my building. ahhhhhhhhhh. and i think she recognized me. i still see her as a manipulative witch and ogre. also, she hasn't aged well.

what does this all mean? it makes me question my own relationships with people who percieve me to be a senior to them. am i one of those assbags who control someone elses future? will peers 10 years from now divert their eyes from me because i treated them bad and didn't realize it? i tend to think i treat everyone fairly if they treat me fairly. makes me wonder.

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